My friends, I have figured out why my mojo left me for the allure of the West Side Highway and destinations unknown. I am suffering from another fear, or syndrome if you will. Have you heard of SBS (Saggy Butt Syndrome)? No? Let me enlighten you so that you too can avoid it all costs and never suffer a staggering loss of mojo. Saggy Butt Syndrome is well on its way to becoming a full-out disease since it’s cause is readily known and can be circumvented if one has the requisite knowledge. Have you ever picked a gorgeous woven fabric, say a linen or a pique and then sew it up into an equally gorgeous sheath dress? You admire your gorgeous fit, your beautiful stitching and then you have the audacity to sit down while wearing said gorgeous dress. How dare you sit down in your dress? What were you thinking? God forbid you ever think to bend over in your dress. Yes, you painstakingly underlined it and lined it. It couldn’t possibly bag out, not with all those layers engineered into the garment. No sir, it wouldn’t dare!
Or would it? Could it possibly resemble this after a day at the office?
I mean no disrespect to the current vogue of wearing saggy pants that’s popular right now. I just don’t want a saggy pants look when I’m wearing a sheath dress. Am I right? That’s just downright unattractive.
I have made a sheath dress in a stretch woven that bags out because the stretch factor has no recovery and immediately reacts to body heat. What’s the point of adding lycra to a woven if it has no recovery? Now that’s just mean. I have made a cotton pique pencil skirt that droops down below the butt by the end of the day. Listen, it’s bad enough being called Four Eyes, but Four Buttocks? That’s just the pits.
Remember the gorgeous floral linen I wanted to make up into another B5147? Well fear of SBS is completely driving my mojo to Tahiti for all I know. I am too scared to make it into a form-fitting sheath dress and suffering through people whispering “Hey, there goes Four Buttocks!” behind my back as I walk through my office.
The cause of SBS has recently been discovered by scientists at the CDC in Atlanta who have been working around the clock: poor fabric knowledge. If you don’t know your fabric and it’s properties, improper matching of fabric to pattern, even improper handling of said fabric can doom a sewing project to SBS. There are two known cures in preventing SBS: 1. Never sit down when wearing your garment, and 2. KNOW. YOUR. FABRIC.
How do you “know” your fabric? Well, to be honest, it’s a lot of trial and error. It takes experience. Lots of it. But take heart, dear friends, the knowledge is there for you to grasp with your own two hands. Just keep sewing!
This is another Public Service Announcement brought to you by SEWN.
(Hopefully, I will take my own advice one of these days.)